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Oct 25 08 10:53 AM

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Have a great joke you'd like to share? Kick back and relax, share a drink, a joke or a conversation, the pub's open!

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#1 [url]

Feb 7 11 1:38 AM

Detective report

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective,Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop.

A few days later,he received this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree-look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. Fall out of tree, not see. No Fee

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#2 [url]

Feb 7 11 1:45 AM

A blonde detective

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it." This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well... uh... that's because the picture shows his PROFILE." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...
think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...
wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

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#3 [url]

Feb 7 11 1:47 AM


A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman. The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!"

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#4 [url]

Feb 7 11 1:57 AM

Polish Detective

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."

When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?" He replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!"

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#5 [url]

Feb 7 11 2:01 AM

Steal from this family

After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime.

To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my kid through college somehow, don't I?"

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#6 [url]

Feb 7 11 2:11 AM

Short Father Christmas

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?Santa Clues!

Father Christmas wins a saucepan in a competition.Now thats what you call pot luck!

What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?Freeze a jolly good fellow !

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?Santapplause !

Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar. Santa drives a rusty car. Press the starter. Press the choke. Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ? Santa Jaws !

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ? Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe !

Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ? Because they both have "Sandy claws" !

What does Father Christmas call his money ? Iced lolly ?

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ? Santa pause !

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#7 [url]

Feb 7 11 2:14 AM

So Much Fun

A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw them take part in a dozen activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," said the distraught husband.

"What's not to believe?" the detective said. "It's right up there on the screen!"

"I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun!" the husband replied.

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#8 [url]

Aug 3 12 6:50 PM

liz, these are all good jokes, but awwww as well! :)

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