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Feb 6 09 6:08 AM

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TO GOD:
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God,

Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch:? Or is it still the same old story?

Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray,
and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around?
We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?

If a dog barks his head off in a forest, and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers,
beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and frisbee flight paths. Humans ignore a
lot of what we have to say so what DO humans understand?

Are there mailmen in heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, can you do something about all the rules in life?
The rules seem to cover everything dogs are meant to do!
Here's some of the things I've been told that I must remember to be a good dog:

I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it, or after they throw it up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, worms, cow manure etc.
just because I like the way they smell.

The litter box is not a cookie jar, a sand box, a bone burial site ...
and the cat doesn't appreciate when I mark it as my territory.

The sofa is not a face towel or my personal bed.

The bed is not my domain, nor is it my sleeping quarters or trampoline.

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

Those who walk by on the sidewalk are not invading my territory.

When visitors come to the house I am to be seen and not heard.

I am not allowed to play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
 (Dogs do it so why don't humans?)

I don't need to suddenly stand up straight when I'm under the coffee table.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

I must shake in the bathtub before getting out - and not in my owner's face.

I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
(When is an acceptable time to scratch one's ass?)

I will not sit in the living room and lick my nether regions.

The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and he makes that noise
it's not a good thing.

God, I was neutered - when I get to heaven may I have my balls back?

PS. Dear God, if you can't change the rules, in their next life, could you have my
owners come back as dogs?